It’s April 2020. Day 47 of lockdown. I’m wearing the same sweatpants for the 3rd week straight, my ‘home office’ is a cardboard box labeled ‘BORING AF’, and my biggest achievement today was remembering pants for a Zoom call (waist-up counts, right?).
By 2025, I demand answers:
DID TOILET PAPER STOCKS RECOVER? I just traded my vintage Star Wars poster for 4 rolls. WORTH IT.
Are ‘pandemic puppies’ now running corporate America? (If Mr. Snuffles isn’t a VP at Google, we failed.)
Do people still say ‘unprecedented times’? If yes, slap them with a socially-distanced pool noodle.
Career check-in:
If you’re still doing ads for toilet cleaner... quit. Seriously. We survived a plague! Go sell alpaca farms in Vermont or something.
About Karen from accounting – If we did date after that ‘virtual happy hour’, I have 3 words: WAS SHE REAL? Her cat filter never turned off...